There are times when I feel awake, aware of everything that goes on around me. Other times, however, I feel like I am in this deep slumber with no way out.
This veil hangs over me, over my eyes, and it clouds my thoughts like a drug. Thoughts washing over me like the beach on high tides. Washing away bits and pieces of myself with it. Cast out into the open water for passing strangers to witness.
The pieces sink below to tides and there are hands attempting with all their might to pull it to surface.
The piece continues to sink.
Arms of different lengths with different stories trying to drag the piece up.
The piece continues to sink.
All over the water, different hands with different intentions attempt to pull the pieces together with little success. Some pieces are saved and brought back to me but they are again cast out into the rushing waves. These hands continue this struggle time and time again with little success each and every time. Some hands go, while others come and join.
At the time, I am fully aware off the struggle they face but my mind is too clouded to understand the meaning. When my psyche is unclouded, my face unveiled, I am gracious for the things they went through and I try to make their attempts not wash away in vein, but it always happens again.
A constant cycle.
If only I had the strength to take those hands.
If only I wasn’t scared of where they’d lead me.
If only I wasn’t ashamed of pain the water has brought me.
If only.
If only.
That’s all I was ever good at saying.
Who am I?
What is my purpose?
Questions rolling through my head.
Why am I like this?
Why do I do the things I do?
Thoughts flow as I float along with the current. It’s time for a change. Without thinking, I grab an arm and it pulls me above. The light blinds me but something washes over me. The veil is gone, and my judgement has returned. My eyes see what truly lies before me. Keep walking my child, there is more you need to know.
Categories:
Endless Veil
October 25, 2016
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