Dear Southern,
We apologize.
There’s a bevy of hot issues going on around here, and it would appear as though both the staff and myself have abandoned you, the student, the faculty and the staff of Southern University.
We’ve been busy you see. Having our student status questioned and winning awards often puts a dapper on editorial writing, even a journalist’s morale. However, we have not waned in our dedication to you, Southern.
No, not once.
Since we’ve last spoken, the system president was put on leave and reinstated to complete his term all in the span of a few days. The rhyme and reason behind the Board of Supervisors decision has yet to be determined. It’s been rumored that both Southern’s budget and financial future are in for some topsy-turvy times in the near future. But don’t let these things turn you off from the school or the student paper, gentle reader.
It’s time to talk about something truly important—nay—a detrimental deciding factor for our near futures: student elections.
I imagine you are perplexed.
Surely the squandering of hard earned funds, broken promises and endless scraps of paper pale in comparison to the country’s economic downturn, stimulus packages, foreign and domestic disputes and the like, but I’m here to tell you differently; Southern student elections are what a President Obama speech is to a handwritten President George W. Bush letter—superior and succinct in these humorless times.
To show our heartfelt appreciation and affection for the pure awesomeness that is campaign week, the staff and I have assembled a list of Do’s and Don’ts for our next generation of leaders.
Why?
Because we truly believe that the children are our future.
Do give candy. While it may not be the most logical choice, it will soothe the sour taste of your lies out of our mouths.
Don’t buy the cheap stuff. This only serves to further the terrorist agenda within the already fragile Southern University student infrastructure. It displeases us. It frightens us. Don’t do it.
Do have a talent. We cannot expresses this enough. Sing a song—well. Do a dance—well. Solve challenging puzzles in less than three minutes if you will, but don’t read to us. Please. We beg thee, kind candidate.
Don’t mock the intelligence of your audience. We know talent when we see it. Either you have ‘it’ or you don’t.
Do have the ability to answer basic questions. Perhaps now is a good time to bone up on current events and issues, campus goings-on, and world affairs. It’ll help to be knowledgeable to your potential constituents.
Don’t have circular arguments, telling us the price of bottled water in the Union, but not knowing your own platform.
Do be approachable.
Don’t act like you can’t speak after you lose.
Do be honest.
We’ll wait as the community snickers and wonders how young politicians could possibly be honest within an election.
All in all, dear Southern, we write because we care.
Truly,
The Southern DIGEST
Categories:
An open letter to Southern U.
April 2, 2009
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