… I call it the Who Cares Vote

I was walking around campus this past Monday when I suddenly got rushed by a couple of girls handing me candy and telling me to vote for their candidate who was running for a particular office.
After accepting the candy and walking only a few steps I noticed on the ground a couple of flyers with pictures of people running for different offices. Then all of a sudden it hit me. It’s election time again!
Yes election time: my favorite time of the year. (Well it’s not really my favorite time of the year. Actually I don’t even like election time.)
Anyway, this for those of you out there that are just like me and really don’t care who wins what.
Keep in mind that you should vote because you have to exercise your voice. So for all of you here is my guide to electing the perfect official for people who don’t care about SGA elections. (I call it the Who Cares Vote.)
First and foremost, it is important to remember, that being election time a lot of the candidates will offer you plenty of goodies for a vote. Some people may call it trying to buy votes, but to all the candidates, I say if you feel that you are the best candidate for the job ,hell why not buy your way into office.
Okay, so let’s get this started. Before you enter the booth to vote, ask yourself, did I receive anything from any of these candidates? If the answer is yes, you must compare what that candidate gave you with what you got from the other candidates running for that position.
If you received a T-shirt from a candidate then you must vote for that person hands down, no questions asked. (I got a foam finger and a bandana from a Miss Southern candidate so you know she is getting my vote.)
It is also important to vote based on the slogans for each candidate. One of my personal favorites this semester was the “Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee, vote for me” slogan. (I admit it not an original slogan, but anyone who quotes Muhammad Ali deserves their fair share of votes.)
If you see someone every day and they never holla at you, but now all of a sudden they speak every time they see you, they are automatically disqualified from receiving a Who Cares Vote. Blow pops are the highest rated candy that a who cares voter receives. Unless they are a chocolate fiend, then chocolate becomes number one and blow pops are second. Now if you receive a cool pop on a hot and dry day, that raises the candidate two spots in the pools. Also nice and hot doughnuts in the morning is definitely enough to get a vote faster than candy.
When it’s time for the runoff elections to take place that’s when the real action starts. Basically it’s two candidates going one on one against each other and usually not holding back on any expense.
This is election time, and if you are like me a really don’t care about who wins. Just remember the Who Cares rules to voting and you will pick the perfect candidate. (Well maybe you won’t, but it will be fun receiving all that candy.) I’m out and that’s the “G” Way. (I hope the SGA doesn’t attack me after this one.)