29-year old black male virgin

Not to sound sanctimonious or preachy, but lately I’ve been keeping a distance between myself and certain things impeding my spiritual growth.
For instance, I’m making an effort to stay away from movies that contain a lot of “cussin’ “, violence and sex because I’m trying to become more conscious and cautious of what I allow inside my “temple” since God does live there.
In the temple, garbage and God cannot coexist. However, I did go watch the movie “40-Year-Old Virgin” because I was curious to see how the entertainment industry would deal with the subject of celibacy.
Aside from the vulgarities, I’ll be honest, the movie was funny. But as I sat through it, I found myself wishing that the makers of this film would’ve made the main character less of an alien with an affliction that needed a cure and more of a regular middle-aged man who just so happened to have made a decision to wait until the right time before having sex.
I wished they had made a more serious film that really examined the nobility of this decision and the struggle one goes through in maintaining their virginity and magnified the strength that it takes, especially since I can relate to that situation.
That’s right. I have never, ever ever ever ever “laid pipe.” No oral, no anal, no missionary position… NONE OF THAT.
Trust me, I’m not saying this to brag at all. Honestly, I wished that I could say my choice to remain celibate has always been a spiritual one.
The truth is, there were times when I was just scared to “dive in” because I was afraid of catching AIDS or herpes or whatever else is out there.
I was scared to make a kid before I was ready to raise one (I don’t even know if I want kids). Then there were times when I could’ve “done it,” but was embarrassed because I have never used a condom and I probably wouldn’t know how to perform once I got in there.
I didn’t want to get laughed at. Don’t get me wrong, I’m no angel. There were times when I actually wanted to give it a try and was presented with the opportunity. I’ve touched women before, of course, but there was just a lot of groping and kissing with our clothes on before I either wussed out or she got tired.
One young lady even had “me” in her hands, but I said something dumb that killed the whole mood and things didn’t progress (you would’ve been my first, Ma. Thanks for being the strong one that night.)
I’ve even lied and told a few females at school I wasn’t a virgin and made up stories about things that I’ve done sexually because I didn’t want them to think something was wrong with me.
The truth is, the most I’ve ever done sexually was masturbate (it took lots of prayer to overcome that and I did).
I’m at the level now where I want to remain celibate until I “wife” one of these females, because it’s the right way to go and that’s how God wants it. He created sex for the purpose of consummating marriage and procreation AFTER that.
Whenever we deviate from that plan, we mess things up and bring consequences on ourselves, i.e., teenage pregnancies, baby-mamma drama, etc…
Until I say ‘I DO,’ I’m perfectly happy with just holding a girl’s hand if I’m really diggin’ her.
I’m not even trying to kiss her before saying those two words. In fact, my next kiss won’t be until after the preacher says, ‘You may now kiss the bride.’
I realize there’s always the possibility that I could die before that happens. When I get to Heaven though, it won’t even matter.