It’s cuffing season

 
What exactly is Cuffing Season?
Well for those who don’t know the dynamics of cuffing season it goes a little something like this. Throughout the fall semester (or winter months) people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves along with the rest of the world yearning to be ‘Cuffed’ (or tied down by a serious relationship.) The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.
Ladies, the weather is still warm that mean you are likely to be wearing shorts, skirts, tank tops, V-necks and dresses, more than likely most of you have already been scouted by someone or a few guys and just don’t know it yet.
Like it or not you’re going to get chose.
Your advantage in the situation is that you have options!
You can choose to participate in this seasonal game and get drafted to someone’s team or ‘cuffed’, You can have a draft, create your own team, fill your roster and cut when necessary or just be single and choose not to participate.
Gentlemen, according to my cuffing season calendar some of you are already behind. This is the fall semester!
You’ve got a lot of freshmen competition to deal with. If you haven’t already started scouting you’d better start making moves.
Its already the third week of cuffing preseason which means you should have already approached your prospects, exchanged numbers, and made some kind of verbal contact.
Guys basically have the same options as the ladies, you can play and win the championship, possibly get played, or not play at all.
Personally I’m not too fond of cuffing season.
Yeah it’s a game to some but often times it’s the girls or guys who are unaware of the game that gets hurt the most.
Some people don’t see relationships and sex as a sport.
It’s the casual sex mentality that has STDs and HIV on the rise in the black communities, and it makes our youth even more emotionally detached and insecure.
The only outcome of cuffing season, in my opinion, is destruction.
It deteriorates respect for women and ultimately destroys men’s outlook on women.
It can assault a women’s self esteem problems and causes women to wage war on themselves using weave and makeup as their weapons.
It kills the concept of love, making it so alien that marriage becomes a myth.
So no, I don’t choose to partake in the cuffing season game.
It doesn’t get my stamp of approval but to each his or her own, right?
I gave you all the schedule and the rules, make your own playbook but that’s only if you choose to play the game.
 
 
The Cuffing Season Guide
 
Preseason
Week  Dates  Objective
Week 1           Aug. 30-Sept.1/30- 9/1       Scout him/her. Get them digits, playa!
Week 2           Sept. 2-8         Text him/her, but don’t call. Don’t want to seem desperate.
Week 3           Sept. 9-15      Surprise phone call or ask him/her out. Show some backbone.
Week 4           Sept. 16-22    Start late night flirting (phone and visits)
Week 5           Sept. 23-29    Let him/her know she may be cuffed/drafted, placed on the practice squad (back-up) or cut from the roster
 
Regular Cuffing Season
Week  Dates  Objective
Week 1           Sept. 30-Oct. 6           Dating starts.
Week 2           Oct. 7-13        Make it “official”
Week 3           Oct. 14-20      Seal the deal. Make it happen, cap’n!
Week 4           Oct. 21-27      Thirst rush! The uncuffed will try to steal your prospects and offer them better contracts to join their team. Don’t let your star players get away, or even worse, allow other teams to use negative recruiting tactics to steal your franchise player away (dirty mackin’ and outright hatin’ is punishable by substantial fines, loss of draft picks and other punishments as deemed appropriate by the Cuffing League Commissioner).
MID-SEASON Oct. 28-Nov. 1            TRADE DEADLINE. You have to decide whethim/her you want to keep him/her or whethim/her to trade him/her in for some spring semester draft picks. After this point, if you don’t move him/her to anothim/her team, you have to keep him/her for the rest of the fall season.
Week 5           Oct. 28-Nov.3 Good morning text messages begin. Make him/her think you’re constantly thinking about hear.
Week 6           Nov. 4-10       Good morning text end. Now that thirst rush is over you. Got him/her so you don’t need to do extra work.
Week 7           Nov. 11-17     Thanksgiving is next week. You don’t want to him/her to meet your family? Start an argument.
Week 8           Nov. 18-24     DEAD SILENCE! Don’t send/respond to any calls or text.
Week 9           Nov. 25-30     This is it! This is the last week of Fall cuffing season. Time to break it off with your fall franchise player and evaluate your roster for the spring semester.
—
Cuffing season ends Dec. 1. It’s finals time, you’re about to go home and you want to go home an uncuffed champion for the spring semester.
DISCLAIMER: This guide is for rookie cuffers or newbies to the cuffing game. Experienced cuffers have their own guides to follow. The creator of the Cuffing Season Guide is not responsible for the consequences of the readers’ actions. THIS IS ENTERTAINMENT, NOT ADVICE!
 
 
A CUFFING SEASON PLAYLIST
(Songs to help you get your game up)
 
PRESEASON: Drake, “Practice”; Chris Brown, “Strip”; Marques Houston, “Naked”; Trey Songz, “Love Faces”; Ludacris, “Sex Room”
 
START OF THE SEASON: Big K.R.I.T ft. Ludacris, “What You Mean”; Don Kennedy, “Girls on Stage”; 8 Ball and MJG, “Space Age Pimpin'”; UGK, ft. Outkast, “International Players Anthem”; TrillVille, “Some Cut”; Rick Ross, “Bag of Money”; Flo Rida, “Whistle”
 
MIDSEASON: Miguel, “Adorn”; Frank Ocean, “Thinking About You”; Elle Varner, “Refill”; Pretty Willie, “My Good Thing”; Ginuwine, “So Anxious”; The Roots, “Break You Off”; Lady Gaga, “Love Game”; 2 Chainz, “Birthday Song”
 
MIDSEASON ROSTER CUTS: Young Money, “She is Gone”; Kanye West, “Flashing Lights”
 
END OF THE SEASON: Project Pat ft. Three 6 Mafia, “Don’t Call Me No’ Mo'”; P. Diddy ft. Keyshia Cole, “Last Night”
 
*-Try Love Faces Station on Pandora if you don’t have time to prepare a playlist.