I’ve seen many things in my young life. At one point, I thought I had seen it all. However, the one thing I thought I’d never see was my mom crying. I have never, ever seen her cry. She has that much strength and can hold her tears long enough to exude that strength. But the other night as I gave her the news that my National Guard unit was deploying members to the Middle East and that I would be in “the desert” in about two weeks, I could hear the tears in her voice over the phone. She said that she had been praying that I would not have to go.
I knew this day was coming, and I must say that the idea of going to war has been a vexatious cloud looming over my spirit for the past several months. Every time I have turned on the news or walked around campus and seen someone in a uniform, or even sat in on class discussions and the topic of Iraq came up, the idea has haunted me because I knew it would soon affect me. It’s been hard for me to smile, and the ones I have displayed were forced.
As I withdrew from school last week, I thought about all the other young men and women in uniform here and at colleges throughout the nation that are dealing with this same situation right now and will be withdrawing from school, perhaps never to return. I thought about all the mothers and fathers on their knees praying and crying at this time because their sons and daughters are leaving behind love and warmth to go to a hostile place and look danger in the face and perhaps too be smitten by it’s wrath.
Last weekend’s worldwide war protests were a glimmer of hope. The world spoke with one voice and declared its disdain for Bush’s war. It made me think of those who used their influence in the past to speak out. Martin Luther called war “evil”, and it is, no matter how you look at it. He stood for peace and nonviolence, and he let the world know. Muhammad Ali, my hero, refused to be drafted into the Army and refused to go to Vietnam because he was against war. These men stood up for their beliefs and morality, and so did the world on Saturday.
Then I thought about myself. What have I done about anything but conform and accept the benefits of conformity? I say that I am a man of peace (and I am), yet I am in the U.S. military. The more I examine the history of this whole conflict, the more I feel that as a member of the armed forces I am merely a muscle on the arms of a bully. A puppet. I claim that I’m anti-war, but everytime I put on a uniform, everytime I get that GI Bill check in the mail, every semester that I attend school courtesy of the Louisiana National Guard, I feel like I am being a hypocrite and I am not standing up for what I believe in.
My prayers have been deeper lately. I’ve prayed that, first of all, the leaders of this world will come from behind their soldiers and their armies and their speeches and their advisors and come together to restore peace throughout this world. I pray that God will increase my vision, wisdom, the depth of my mind, and show me exactly what my life was meant to mean. I realize that even though this seems like a grave situation, it is actually an answered prayer. This experience will be a defining moment in my life, a point between “before this” and “after this.” It will definitely make me stronger and my mind will most certainly become deeper. I cannot be sad about this because God is using me, and when it’s all said and done, His purpose will have been fulfilled in my life. I just pray that God will use me to touch someone throughout all of this and something positive will be learned from my experience in the Persian Gulf.
To my fellow SU Jaguars, if I never see ya’ll again, remember to enjoy life and remember that every new day is a chance to pursue the purpose God has set for you. Search for it, find it, and achieve it. PEACE!
