Ladies by day…animals by procelain

Typically, we’re prim and proper. We’re poise and mature. We’re cool and composed and neat sweet and made of sugar and spice and everything nice…
…until we set foot into a public restroom…
Now, ladies, how many times have you gone into a restroom and wondered what had died in there? Who had the audacity to reek such havoc and walk away as if all’s dandy? I know you know what I’m talking. Public ladies’ rooms always seem to look like Hell broke loose and lively in there…and didn’t bother to spray.
Being that I practically live in the DIGEST office on the first floor of Harris Hall, I frequent a specific restroom: the one right on the corner in the hallway, next to the Office of Admissions and across the hall from the Graduate School Department.
Using the restroom in there is like taking swimming lessons: You get better and better at holding your breath. And sad to say, I’m skeptical to lay all the blame solely on students.
Although this particular restroom has prompted me to write this, I can’t single out one restroom. They’re all the same. Everywhere I go—be it the movies, a restaurant, or a gas station—the ladies’ room has obviously been mislabeled.
Maybe we should call it “the kitty litter” or “pooper scooper,” because clearly it must have been some animal with no common sense and decency to leave such messes. Surely a true lady would never sprinkle when she tinkles and leave behind a nasty wet seat.
Surely, a true lady would never leave her personal disposals lying on the floor as a grim and gross greeting for the next stall occupant. Surely, a true lady would flush, she would wash her hands, and she knows the difference between a garbage can and a countertop.
And just how many paper towels does it take to dry your hands?…
Now, it’s bad enough that I sometimes scurry out of the DIGEST and to the ladies’ room to see this mess that has been left behind, but someone—for the love of God—please tell me why is it that the same mess I see at 10 o’clock Wednesday morning is the same mess I see at 3 o’clock Thursday morning? (We are late night ramblers at the DIGEST)
Okay, I know we have a shortage of paper on campus, but does this include toilet paper and paper towels?
The “ladies” aren’t being ladies, and some of the “custodians” seem to refute their title also. Tsk…tsk…tsk…
If I were a custodian, I would not want to clean up other people’s bodily fluids either, and they shouldn’t have to. But, it’s a dirty job, and someone’s got to do it. To have a restroom that filthy has got to be unhealthy. I’m to the point of being scared to go in there…I may catch something airborne.
The saddest thing about it is that I decided to take a look in the men’s room that very same Thursday morning, and it was IMMACULATE compared to our restroom! Imagine that, we call men pigs, slobs, and tell them they’re made of puppy dog tails when they’re little boys, but the cleanliness of this restroom told a whole other story.
We ladies should take more pride in ourselves, have a little dignity, and keep these restrooms looking nice. You wouldn’t want someone coming into your house and leaving a surprise in your bathroom, now would you?
If you make a mess and you’re too embarrassed to speak up, simply make an anonymous phone call or casually stop a custodian in the hall. No one has to know it’s your mess. I know we all know how to play things off.
And this issue goes beyond social niceties and proper behavior: It’s about public health. Cleanliness is a key factor in good health, and there isn’t anything healthy about a women’s restroom.
So again, ladies, I beg of you, let’s be a little—no, wait—let’s be A LOT neater in these restrooms. Flush. Wipe the seat. Dispose of personal items properly. And please, by all means, wash your hands…just don’t leave that nasty soap, water and paper towel soup all over the counter.