Memoirs of a Coach Potato

After a long summer in Houma watching Direct TV and drinking all the free coffee I could hold at my internship, I am back on campus and ready to discover for yet another semester all the joys television bring.
Of course, I am talking about Mo’Nique and the surprising hit series, “Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School.”
Anyone who knows me can agree that since watching the show, “The Parkers”, I have a have strong – almost evil – disliking of Mo’Nique and her brand of comedy.
In every movie I’ve seen her in, she’s made it quite clear that she’s BIG, BEAUTIFUL and BOLD.
We know.
On “The Parkers,” I first thought the premise of the story was interesting; a woman in her mid to late thirties decides to return to college to finish her degree. The funny part, her daughter is also a freshman at the same college.
But after that, the show quickly spirals downwards. Nikki, Mo’Nique’s character, is obsessed with a professor who makes it quite clear that he isn’t interested. Throughout the series, Nikki chases the professor and gets herself and her daughter, Kim, in sticky situations that involve the police, restraining orders and getting stuck in windows.
Then there were the movies.
To me, the characters Mo’Nique played were ‘flat’ (I learned that word in my literary criticism class – it means she was one dimensional) in every movie she was in. If she wasn’t the loud, sassy black friend to the prettier, skinner, more classier main character, she was the loud, sassy black friend who had to compete with the prettier, skinner, more classier character for the good-looking man candy.
So when I heard she was hosting the fifth-recycled Flavor Flav show “Flavor of Love Girls: Charm School”, I considered not tuning in.
Seriously.
I thought, if VH1, Mo’Nique and the “Flavor of Love” girls were really serious about proving to the viewers who actually cared about their dignity, it should be done in the privacy of their own homes.
Do you think I would have wanted my 21st birthday party televised on national tv? I’m still trying to live down that weekend which ended in me screaming at a police officer and lying face down on the bathroom floor with a wet towel on my face.
Nevertheless, I had to change me tune when I watched the show and saw that Mo’Nique really cared about these girls…especially more than I did.
On the first night, Mo’Nique made all the ladies burn the nicknames Flav gave to them. ‘Buck Wild’ was now Becky, ‘Buckey’ went back to being Shay and ‘Pumpkin’ was yet again Brooke.
Just like in Roots, our modern day Toby’s were once again Kunta’s and they were one step closer to developing into the classy women they claimed they were before being on “Flavor of Love”.
Each week, the ladies were put through test the parallel to the Ten Commandments. One of the tasks, “If thou have it, thou shall flaunth it and work it girl.” Technically, that’s not a title, but in a ’round about way, it is an example.
The girls had to learn how to make money by selling their own perfume on the streets of Hollywood. Brooke, who gained fame for spiting on New York which ended in her getting her hair pulled, lead her team to victory by spitting on fans who purchased a bottle of their perfume.
By teaching the ladies social graces, how to stand on their own feet and choosing the right men, Mo’Nique was trying to get the girls to realize their self worth. Of course a few fell through the cracks. Larissa, ‘Bootz’ was only there to settle a score and Brooke only wanted to get drunk and make out with the men who were invited to take part in the charm school prom.
Mo’Nique’s true colors came out during the highly anticipated reunion special. I may miss an episode, but I draw the line at reunion specials. I need to know what everyone is up to and who has gotten a new weave.
when Larissa and Shay were brought on stage to talk about their ending friendship; the meeting turned into a battle of words that led Mo’Nique to appear on stage and tell them to stop fighting because they are shamming their race by acting a fool on television.
My mouth dropped.
Nikki Parker was making sense!
So maybe Mo’Nique isn’t so bad. I mean, she is an actress/comedian and list time I checked, American Express, Master Card and Sallie Mae want to be paid on time by a lowly college student the same as an actress.
Of course, I will be watching season three of “Flavor of Love” and two of “I Love New York” because they are train wrecks I just can’t look away from. But the next time I see Mo’Nique on the television, I may not turn the channel and frown as quickly as I use to.