This is the mark of my true beauty

On Sunday, after I finished taking a hot bath for an hour to soothe my aching muscles from my soccer game that evening, I got out of the tub and looked in the mirror. As I stood there I saw my reflection. I was naked and water was dripping all over my body. I did not bother grabbing a towel because I wanted to grasp my body in its entirety.
I examined myself from my head all the way down to my toes, but I eventually stopped and just looked in the mirror. At that point and time I wasn’t looking at my body, surreptitiously, I was searching for the woman behind my own dark brown eyes.
Inadvertently, as I was searching for myself, I began to fall into a daze. As I was dazing, I reflected on parts of my life, particularly when I was 16 years old. Back then I was no heavier than 125 pounds. I had a head full of curly dark brown hair, and was high into fashion. I also was on the top of my academics, and sports. I was young, beautiful, energetic, carefree, and full of joy. No could tell me anything, because I knew my self worth and value.
After I was finished reflecting, I snapped out of the daze. There I found myself solemn, still standing in front of the mirror, with my naked body almost dried from the coolness of the air coming from my bathroom’s vent. I then reexamined myself but this time with the consideration of the 16 year- old girl I used to be in mind.
At that moment I thought, here I am a 20 year-old woman yet I feel like I am 60 years old. I am 25 pounds heavier than the 16 year-old girl I used to be. My head no longer full of dark brown curls, but blonde dreadlocks that hang a little passed my shoulders. My face no longer filled with innocence and excitement, but culpability and exhaustion. My back no longer standing upright and strong, yet my posture gets weaker everyday from carrying the heavy load that comes with being an adult. My arms no longer display muscular cuts; instead they flap fat like birds flying in the wind. My stomach no longer flat and firm, but saggy and soft like there is literally jelly in my belly. My thighs are no longer thick, curvaceous, and tone; they seem as if they get wider everyday. My legs no longer show powerful calves, they simply look feeble. Lastly, my feet and toes show no pedicure; they look as hard and grimy as rust.
Right then and there all I could think of was the 16 year-old girl that I used to be, and how I hated how much I had changed physically over the years. But then I reexamined myself once more, and this time I looked even closer at my body.
I then noticed something that I had overlooked. There are dark brown spots all over my arms and legs. These spots that are very noticeable are really scars that came from cigarette burns. When I was 12 years-old my uncle left me with dirty old men, who lived up to their name and forever stained my body with multiple burns. After being burned, I felt ugly, and for a few years I tried to avoid shorts and short-sleeved shirts. But I eventually realized that I could not dress like it was winter forever, because one day it would get too hot.
I ended up accepting the fact that my body had been defiled. And I realized that despite my scars, I was still beautiful, because of whom I was on the inside.
There are so many people that walk around with there head hanging down, because society gives a facade of what true beauty is. If you’re a female, you have to be light skinned, have long silky hair, petite frame, yet full breasts with a big butt, and be up on the latest fashion trends. If you’re a male, you have to be light skinned and have good hair as well, athletically built, with nice eyes, lots of money and a nice car.
But I question, what about the people who don’t have a so-called nice body or hair, or the people like me, who walk or drive a raggedy car to school, and barely have enough money to pay for college let alone be able to buy a new outfit every week or some rims for their car, what about those people are they not considered beautiful?
It seems like this society has lost its sense of what true beauty is, if they ever had any sense at all. That’s why there are more people concerned with making money to buy clothes and cars than school books.¦ We have more people concerned with their appearance than their grades.¦ We have more aspiring video hoes, rappers, professional athletes, and superstars than college graduates.¦
And that’s why we have more people standing in the bathroom, looking in the mirror at their body, and hating the way they look.
Society will never change its definition of true beauty. But I can change my definition of true beauty and you can change yours. Personally, true beauty to me starts inwardly and blossoms outwardly. It’s all about your character and had how you see yourself.
After I finished looking in the mirror at my body in all its thickness, I smiled. I smiled because I couldn’t believe how hard I was being on myself about my outer appearance, because I am content with it and that is all that matters.
I realize even though I have changed physically, and slightly my character has been altered, I am still the person I was when I was 16 years old because despite life’s hardships I am happy. I am 5 feet and 140 pounds… and I am beautiful!
I am beautiful because I know my heart, and no can tell me anything.
-Love Each Day-